Author Topic: What happened to Paul?  (Read 9408 times)

Paul Smedley

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What happened to Paul?
« on: February 15, 2026, 02:29:37 am »
Hi All,

I know I've been MIA for a while (thanks to those who noticed and reached out!).

Throughout 2025, I began to lose interest not just in OS/2, but with a lot of my other hobbies (including java programming for openHAB). At the same time, my general mood deteriorated. This all came to a head in September when I was diagnosed with quite severe depression. I'm now doing a LOT better, but it has been a rough 5 months. At this stage my ArcaOS box has been powered off some time - I think the last thing I built was something for Lewis back in September.

I cannot say at this time if I will return to ArcaOS - what I can say is that I've finally started enjoying extending some bindings for openHAB, and learning more about Java - so there is hope!

Just wanted to give the community an update.

Cheers,

Paul

Martin Iturbide

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2026, 02:34:02 am »
Thanks Paul for writing.

It is good to hear you are getting better. Just take your time and I think everything will be better for you in the long term.

Regards
Martin Iturbide
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Neil Waldhauer

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2026, 03:22:50 pm »
I miss having you in the OS/2 community, Paul. I hope you decide to rejoin us.
Expert consulting for ArcaOS, OS/2 and eComStation
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David McKenna

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2026, 03:42:10 pm »
Good to hear from you Paul! You gotta take care of yourself first, everything else can wait.. Hope you get back to 100% soon!

Regards,

KO Myung-Hun

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2026, 06:38:44 pm »
Hi/2, Paul!

Get well soon and I look forward to seeing you back at your best!

Mentore

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2026, 11:50:16 pm »
Hi All,

I know I've been MIA for a while (thanks to those who noticed and reached out!).

Throughout 2025, I began to lose interest not just in OS/2, but with a lot of my other hobbies (including java programming for openHAB). At the same time, my general mood deteriorated. This all came to a head in September when I was diagnosed with quite severe depression. I'm now doing a LOT better, but it has been a rough 5 months. At this stage my ArcaOS box has been powered off some time - I think the last thing I built was something for Lewis back in September.

I cannot say at this time if I will return to ArcaOS - what I can say is that I've finally started enjoying extending some bindings for openHAB, and learning more about Java - so there is hope!

Just wanted to give the community an update.

Cheers,

Paul

Hiya Paul!

It's REALLY sad to hear you have/had depression. It's a tough beast and it needs to be addressed carefully.
Being no doctor myself I will not waste your time in useless (and stupid) advice. It's just great to hear from you again.

I truly hope you will find some light - you well deserve to be fine and happy.
Of course, I hope I'll see you again in this forum beating the cr*p out of Qt and other ArcaOS related software 8-) but first and foremost: stay safe, get well, be happy.

Oh and, should you ever come to Pisa on vacation, please oh please let me know - my spoken English has surely become rusty but I still would love to get to know you!

Hugs from Italy.

Mentore

Pete

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2026, 01:04:17 am »
Hi Paul

Glad to hear you are overcoming the issue, it helps to laugh so watch some comedy from time to time  :-)


Regards

Pete

Dariusz Piatkowski

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2026, 05:05:27 am »
Hello Paul!

Wishing you all the best in slaying this "beast". It is a tough challenge to be sure, but take it one step at a time, and go at your pace.

Take care of YOU first and foremost!

Cheers,
-Dariusz

Paul Smedley

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2026, 09:50:17 am »
Thanks folks, it's brought me some comfort reading these messages. I'm on a good path now, maybe I'll be back porting some day (If I remember what to do lol)

Eugene Tucker

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2026, 10:39:43 am »
Paul here's to hope. but no pressure.

David Kiley

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #10 on: March 15, 2026, 08:44:33 am »
Thanks folks, it's brought me some comfort reading these messages. I'm on a good path now, maybe I'll be back porting some day (If I remember what to do lol)

Hi Paul, I fondly remember using your ports throughout the ecomstation era. You've done such great work and it kept my computer going.
So I do hope you just hang out with us here regardless if you decide to port more stuff or not:).

Paul Smedley

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #11 on: March 15, 2026, 09:18:07 am »
Thanks folks, it's brought me some comfort reading these messages. I'm on a good path now, maybe I'll be back porting some day (If I remember what to do lol)

Hi Paul, I fondly remember using your ports throughout the ecomstation era. You've done such great work and it kept my computer going.
So I do hope you just hang out with us here regardless if you decide to port more stuff or not:).

I still read os2world most days, so I'm usually lurking :)

scrutch2001

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #12 on: March 15, 2026, 07:35:00 pm »
Paul:  I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, but I'm glad you're getting through it all.  Years ago I too was hit with a nasty spell of clinical depression.  I'd just about run out of hope.  With therapy, and the support of my friends and family, I pulled through.  So there can be light at the end of the dark tunnel.

Sending my best from Seattle.....

Steve Crutchfield

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Re: What happened to Paul?
« Reply #13 on: April 17, 2026, 07:40:49 pm »
Hi All,

I know I've been MIA for a while (thanks to those who noticed and reached out!).

Throughout 2025, I began to lose interest not just in OS/2, but with a lot of my other hobbies (including java programming for openHAB). At the same time, my general mood deteriorated. This all came to a head in September when I was diagnosed with quite severe depression. I'm now doing a LOT better, but it has been a rough 5 months. At this stage my ArcaOS box has been powered off some time - I think the last thing I built was something for Lewis back in September.

I cannot say at this time if I will return to ArcaOS - what I can say is that I've finally started enjoying extending some bindings for openHAB, and learning more about Java - so there is hope!

Just wanted to give the community an update.

Cheers,

Paul

If you are reading the replies I can tell you that near the end of the year 2000 I started having SEVERE burning and crushing pain in my feet due to diabetes though I wouldn't know it was diabetes until almost a year and a half later. My then doctor said she ran tests and everything came back "negative" and so she thought I was just depressed and I wanted "happy pills" as she called them. Keep in mind while other doctors told me I had food poisoning, she correctly diagnosed me with gall stones. If you've ever had them, you know how painful those are. But she didn't diagnose my diabetes.

My wife found a doctor that specialized in helping people "reset" their mind so that people's minds would "correctly recognize pain" and he did help me by literally torturing my feet for seven months. It did enough to get me out of a wheel chair. That and me being sick and tired of treating me like my pain issues were a sign of me having low IQ which was not true. People in wheel chairs are NOT stupid despite what apparently a majority of the population thinks!

I changed jobs and my old doctor wasn't convenient anymore so I changed doctors and they listened to my issues and had me go to the lab where they took blood and urine and it turned out I had an A1C of 9.6 and they couldn't figure out how I wasn't in the hospital and maybe in a coma. But I wasn't and I didn't go into a hospital but started taking a dozen pills for different things but my A1C is down to 7.7 which is better but not great.

Due to the pain in my feet I can no longer wear boots that would sufficiently protect my feet and ankles if I got into a motorcycle accident. So I had to give up and stop riding my Honda GoldWing which was my main vehicle with me putting OVER 35,000 miles per year on it. In three years I went from just over 11,000 miles on a new to me used GoldWing and three years later I was passing 115,000 miles which was pretty average for me until I suddenly couldn't ride anymore.

My motorcycle was literally what made me happiest ... no, it made me happy. And to have to give that up was literally devastating and I seriously thought about getting on my motorcycle one more time and crashing into something at over 100 mph. Obviously I never did that but it was something I thought about every waking hour of every day for fifteen years.

I belonged to two different Honda GoldWing riders organizations. Through them I was on two different motorcycle drill teams which took us all over the northwest (based out of Seattle) and even as far as completing nationally against other teams in eastern Montana.

I held every position in our "GWRRA" - Honda GoldWing Road Riders Association Seattle Chapter. (Wings of Gold Drill Team)

I belonged to GoldWing Touring Association "GWTA" in order to be in the second motorcycle drill team. (NorthWest Wings Drill Team)

When I wasn't riding my motorcycle to and from work I was riding to meetings or going on chapter rides or practicing or performing with the two drill teams. Or I would just go off riding by myself. Sometimes just riding home from work I would go on 200 to 250 miles from work to home if I knew my wife didn't want to go riding that night. And yes, she knew not to expect me until late.

So you can see how devastating it could have been and was for me to have to give that up. What could I do with my time now that I couldn't get out and ride?

It's been a STRUGGLE since then. I've buried myself into reading and writing (nothing that I've tried to get published) anything from a few pages to several hundred pages for just one story of multiple characters which were had their own lives but kept having to go back and help each other. On average, per the counter in Scrivener (a writing toolbox) I've averaged over 10,000 words per day for over fifteen years of writing. Yes, I get obsessive with things I do. But I still spend about four hours a day with my wife.

Now that I'm retired, and I can't believe I lasted as long as I did but I made it to 62 and over 25 years with the organization I worked for so I have a good retirement, well now I can get back to other things I loved back in the '90s like OS/2 which I've SERIOUSLY missed for the last about 27 years and hopefully programming for OS/2 again.

I had to find things that I LOVED doing which helped a lot with my depression. I'm still writing ... a lot. And I'm getting back into playing computer games from the '80s and '90s like Links LS Golf and DOOM and the Quake Series, the latter requiring THREE of my iMacs because games only run on certain versions of Mac OS X or Mac Classic or DOS.

Anyway, find something you love that doesn't bring a lot of stress. I found that talking with other people doesn't help me but maybe it would help you. Just know that there are people here that care about you and the contributions that you've made to this operating system even if you aren't interested in programming or in using it anymore. I totally get getting burned out and not wanting to see something anymore. I've gone through that too. Just hang in there.